And here are a few kuhai. This is a technical term that once appeared in now-obscure 13-century Japanese monographs and which means "Wow, that's almost a haiku." I don't exist.
But don't tell. I do the planning.
You do the work.
I take the credit. It's good for you.
It makes you happy. Manhattan loves you.
New York loves you.
America loves you. Poor girlfriend ...
She no has brain ... And we'll get there too.
Because we won't give up. Paris is merely romantic.
Manhattan is cosmopolitan. That was a terrible joke.
I'm ashamed of myself now.
I will never do that again. Truth is a work in progress.
We like our diamonds rough. How come she's your friend?
What do you share in common? It's like the death penalty.
Too many innocent people die. You have hurt me to the quick.
I thought you liked my stink. I can't marry someone like you.
I have a reputation to uphold. Holy motherfucking shit bricks.
And that is no figure of speech. I'll wash your eyes in liquid soap.
And let Scratchie lick them clean. I don't handle silence very well.
Nobody gets away with ignoring me.
Especially not asshole bureaucrats. You want me to MAKE OUT with a RODENT?
And then MAKE OUT with my GIRLFRIEND? Server clocks are not terribly reliable.
An error of 12 minutes is not uncommon. The East Village has thousands of birds.
You can see them in Tompkins Square Park.
We'll go there and feed the squirrels too. I like slightly dark, primitive folk music.
Starkly confronting life's eternal verities. Both of us have waited a long time for this.
Even though you're just a phoney, you phoney. We have Weather Channel here. It's incredible.
But not as incredible as Naked News used to be. Unambitious children tend to become their parents worst fears.
Parents who abdicate authority get the things they fear most. You are extremely insightful because you have read Rosenfels.
So you know how to deal with the problems that feminines have. If you had been here, you could have caught it in your outstretched hands.
And performed the ritual dance from The Firebird Suite with it as a prop. Will you be okay if I go limp over to the round table and have some fruit salad?
I wish you were here. I could make you feel sorry for me by exaggerating my limp. It's very impressive, especially his notes on which browsers support which features.
His expertise marks a new peak in the reckless extravagence of human obsessiveness. I'm beginning to think that the subject of mugs has certain inherent limitations, Ms. Bartlett.
Perhaps I shall need my deerstalker, for this is beginning to sound like a three-pipe problem.

Haiku and kuhai are fun, but to approach literary immortality you have to master the haikoan, in which haiku of equal length are merged and rearranged to convey unique and powerful insights. The infallibility of this procedure to produce deep truths can be proven mathematically using ancient theorems which only in the latter part of the 20th-century were shown to be fallacious.

Hey, we always have the I Ching. 19 pictures.
Smelly toes.
Big poopies.
Help me God. I feel sick now.
I just threw up.
My fingies hurt.
Kiss my fingies. He's curled up at my feeties.
He feels safer being near me.
He's only a fricken fur-face.
And I'm a great big dino man. Drunk spiders spin chaotic webs.
I think they do that on LSD too.
Come here and suck my lower lip,
so I can stare at your forehead. Things will work out. Don't worry.
I'll fill up your tummy with Dean.
It will make the achiness go away.
You could always wet the damn bed.

And, finally, we present the touchdown, which is a Twitter message that is exactly the maximum allowed length of 140 characters. Oh, crap. I'm tempted to make my tweets exactly 140 characters now.
What do you think we should call it when I succeed??