On the evening of May 4th 2007, I found a stack of . I couldn't tell whether they were meant for me — they were addressed to a Rachel. I skimmed them — it was late, and I was too tired to read pages after pages — and still couldn't tell whether they were meant for me. But I could tell something amazing was about to happen.

Did somebody really write me these long letters? About human relationships, dealing with problems, friendships, having a purpose, about himself? Taken as a series of essays, these letters were inspiring and helpful, and I could understand them as such. But I still couldn't tell whether they were meant for me. For a few days, I tried to stay rational and just find it out by analyzing the letters — I had studied English literature, after all! If I can read and analyze Sir Gawain and the Green Knight in the original, I should be able to master this, shouldn't I?

But staring at the rabbit hole didn't make me smarter.

So I decided to try an experiment: To read these letters as if they were meant for me, and just see what happens. I took the red pill and followed the white rabbit down the hole.

I turned the letters into MP3-files, using Text-to-Speech software, put them on my mp3-payer, and for the next few weeks, I listened to them again and again, as if I was listening to a friend reading them to me. Fifty times at least. Day and night.

It was a hell of a ride. Intellectually, I could handle it just fine. I am used to completely questioning and rebuilding my entire universe every few years when I learn about a really great new idea.

The physiological side, on the other hand, was spectacular and unexpected. My body felt like it was hijacked — like in the movie Innerspace. I was tense all the time, and almost painfully turned on. I would often start shaking so hard I had to force myself down on my bed and try to relax. Maybe this was the revenge for having stayed away from all romantic relationships for 15 years.

I allowed the author of the letters to become a real person to me, instead of just seeing him as a case study, and maybe because I was listening to an electronic voice via earphones, he had no choice but to "hijack my body".

This being remote controlled feeling was quite funny. I constantly forgot what I was about to do, but something always forced me back on track real quickly. It stopped being irritating once I stopped trying to fight this, and just let it happen. Also, I could suddenly fall asleep right after going to bed, and get out of bed as soon as the sun rose.

For the next few weeks, I would rethink and question myself, and my entire life. I had a friend with me now who was focussing on me all the time, and I quickly learnt that it was pointless to try and fight back. I couldn't talk back to him.

Dean didn't tell me anything new about Paul's theories, as I'd already read all of Paul's books, but he helped me translate this beautiful abstract theory into real life. As I fell in love with Dean, I fell in love with the world around me. With people.

And most importantly, I met myself. Not the girl I was 20 years ago, or the person I will be 20 years from now.

I met the person I am supposed to be in this world. I happened to myself, and I saw that I have something unique to offer to other people, that I am important, that I have to take myself seriously.

I always wanted to leave this world a better place than I found it. Now I am actually doing it. When I wake up in the morning, I get up because I have a purpose.